This has come up time and time again in my life. -> I have friends or good acquaintances who will not give table-top RPG a try, sometimes even jokingly dissing it, despite it likely being a perfect fit for them. By that I mean that these people in question love board games, computer game fantasy RPGs, MTG, socializing and snacking in small groups and often also are into fantasy/LOTR/GOT.
I certainly wouldn’t ever want to push or hard-sell anyone on any pastime or hobby! So I don’t. But when they keep being surprised at the fact that I play regular. Or, when I rarely and very briefly mention something from my last game/the fun that was had and they show interest, I usually do say that a good RPG session is on my Mount Rushmore of fun. By that I mean that it is in my top 4 of most fun, valuable and worthwhile activities I have ever taken up. Of course I always hope this motivates them to try it and if they ask a number of questions about the game itself of their own volition and interest, I do explain a little and make it clear that a spot is always open if they want to try it the once, with 0 expectations from my side beyond that. They almost never take me up on it.
Another thing that I also noticed is that in my experience, if you let people who have never played sit and watch rather than actually play they are far less likely to try it later. They will literally be the odd one out and it easily comes across as a hyper in-crowd or nerdy in the sense that a listener who has no idea how it works will have bit of trouble to enjoy it and especially understand what is going on. It is a bit like me listening to classical musicians talk shop. I play Guitar, never took lessons, so I don’t understand their music theory, jargon, subtleties and would find it hard to join in the fun or socializing because they are all so unlike the things that I do know well.
When people solely watch and do not play for a few hours, it is easy for them to feel a bit bored, left out (always made it clear they can think along or give suggestions but they don’t dare to take me up on it so much) and get the impression that RPG is hard/complex/mysterious/in-crowd and would require a large time investment and have a big learning curve and be hard to manage socially. Nobody likes to feel like the new kid at (Old) School walking into their first class, especially if it feels like everyone in the class not only knows each other but they all have tons of knowledge you have to rush to catch up on.
I think more evidence for this perceived, and mostly mistaken notion that table-top is hard and a little scary is the amount of posts all over the internet as well as Youtube comments of people saying that table-top “looks waaaay fun, always wanted to try it but don’t really know how to start,… Seems like it would be hard.”. In terms of Youtube these comments are often even under videos of people actually playing D&D, so the interest in the watcher is very much there, but there is mental or emotional or psychological block.
Conversely, whenever I had total newbies not just sit in but actually play, they without exception totally grok it within 2 hours and couldn’t wait to play again. This surprised me, since I am talking about at least 50 newbies, of course all of them also had some of the pre-disposing interests I mention above, but even so, I had figured that at least a few would be like “it is fun, but it is not for me, I am only doing this one-off”. Them wanting to play again asap, is not a reflection on me as a GM, I am pretty good host and nothing special as a GM. It is the game/fun and learning it that makes them want to try again.
My friends who will never try it, it is sometimes due to time constraints, but that is more often not the case or the actual reason since they will gladly put many -additional- hours into certain computer games or a bunch of social activities. I think it has to do with the fact that table-top is truly like nothing else. People do not know what to expect at all, they have no frame of reference and that alone can seem intimidating, while picking up a new computer game or putting more time into a hobby you already know is easy, safe and familiar. Of course the unique nature of RPG also means that some people are almost magically drawn to it and that many that do try it, end up having a life-long love affair with it.
The one thing I have found that mitigates “Newbie Fear of the Dungeon Dark” is making it super clear that I run a low on rules and very inclusive game. That, and even more helpful, if everyone who will show up for the newbies’ first session is also totally new to table-top/ a first-timer, that seems to be the push that a lot of people need.
Am I alone in this? Or have some of you also experienced the things above?