Insane mummy’s severed heads say the darndest things

Content Creation Dice Democracy
#1

I’m running a module in which there will soon be the severed head of an insane mummy, which is still capable of speech, but the module doesn’t give me any pointers about what kinds of things it might say. Hence this thread, which I will roll 1D100 on as it suits me:

  1. Cackling maniacally, will only directly speak if questioned, and will explain that a worm is tickling his Hippocampus.
  2. The directions here from a lost city, out in the wastes, given in a language which is no longer spoken, but which a few wizards and historians know.
  3. Requests for a replacement tongue.
  4. 4th wall break.
  5. A recipe for barley beer.
  6. The recipe for a potion that brings long life and virility, made from reagents that cannot be found on this continent.
  7. Discussion, at length, of the weather.
  8. A detailed recounting of a dramatic play the mummy saw performed 9,000 years ago, which bears distinct similarities to a popular piece recently performed in a town the party passed through, which the mummy head had no way of observing.
  9. Asking to see the sun, moon, stars, ocean, or some other form of natural beauty. Will ask to be held or propped up at a good angle to observe.
  10. Idle threats directed towards the nearest cleric or monk to send an army to invade a country the cleric or monk has never visited.
  11. “You can’t see it, but I’m wiggling my ears.”
  12. Instructions for a complex, but wildly entertaining dance.
  13. Insistence that his name is Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau.
1 Like
#2
  1. Recipe for a very complex and posh-feeling plate. Half of the ingredients are extinct.
  2. Weird stories which don’t make much sense. After each one, the head seems disappointed at the PCs’ reactions. They are long-lost jokes.
  3. A long tirade about this new, uppity godling whose cult is spreading right now. The most learned clerics or wizards might recognize them as a long-extinct religion.
  4. A bloody and extremely detailed war song. The tune is now used by a popular nursery song.
  5. A extremely funny and overdetailed dirty song. It’s still sung as it is in most taverns.
1 Like
#3
  1. “I think I am becoming a god!!!”
  2. In response to something, will simply reply; “Fortune favors the dead.”
  3. Speculation on the mating habits of gods.
  4. Detailed and occasionally accurate commentary on the planescape.
  5. Angry invective directed towards the mummy whose sarcophagus once sat next to his (in bygone millennia).
  6. Complex mathematical calculations whispered to himself as if trying to work out some great problem.
#4
  1. Waits until all are asleep. Whispers “hey…hey…” until someone wakes up, then goes silent.
1 Like
#5
  1. Incessant requests for information on someone he knows and evidently had a poor opinion of, who after consulting a historian, will be revealed to have died of some strange or unusual cause in bygone aeons. The cause may even be so strange that it’s the only fact still known about that person.
  2. “Am I the only one who thinks that this place used to be much safer back in the day?”
  3. Speaking to the nearest female character: “This ol’ rascal of a severed head still has NEEDS ya know!”
  4. Unsolicited and bizarre social commentary about “kids these days” based purely on the actions of the party.
  5. Instructions to gather together an eclectic assortment of tools, machines, materials, and professionals for an undisclosed plan of great importance to “the cause.”